How To Control Anger And Frustration

How To Control Anger And Frustration


Psychologically, anger and frustration are likely related, sometimes we get angry out of the frustrating situation we find ourselves in for example, getting locked up in the middle of a traffic while responding to an urgent call. Also, sometimes we get frustrated out of the actions we take while we are angry.

We all have our share of experiences in anger and frustration because these are psychological emotions possessed by all living human beings and you can’t live without them but can only control how you react to them. As persons with the rights to make decisions, we set our rules expecting others to abide by these rules you make and unfortunately, it does not work that way because others may have rules conflicting yours.

Anger has benefits, and it forms part of the fight-or-flight response to a perceived threat or harm. When it grows out of proportion or out of control, however, it can become destructive and undermine a person's quality of life, leading to serious problems at work and in personal relationships. Humans and other animals often express anger by making loud sounds, baring their teeth, staring, or adopting postures intended to warn perceived aggressors. All of these are efforts to stop or push back against threatening behaviors.
Anger becomes a problem when you experience high levels of intensity of feelings coupled with negative impacts on you or others, based on your behavior and if it is left unresolved, it might lead to frustration. Before you can deal with your anger, you have to be aware of when it sets in, choose to control it either by changing your thoughts pertaining to the situation or any other option that will be listed in this article.

Where can we experience anger and frustration?

Anger and frustration are normal emotions that everyone feels from time to time. We are mostly exposed to the vices of anger when we have people who do not see things the way we do around us. So, the more these people are present the higher the probability of getting angry it becomes. Anger and frustration does not have a particular place where we can experience them, in some cases we get angry at our place of work, at times in a meeting ground, at school, in a shopping mall and in most cases in our homes. Sorry I could only mention this few but these places are where we find ourselves on daily basis.

How we face situations when we are angry is something we need to learn over time because problems do emerge when we express that anger with aggression or other unhelpful methods. The more we mix the two, the more entrenched the habit becomes

What could probably cause anger?

1. Unmet Expectations: We get angry because our expectations are not met. You may have been to work or to school or to a shopping mall or to a meeting or home expecting to achieve something when you get there but unfortunately, you met with an obstruction or disappointment.

2. Disobedient to our set rules: Majority of the anger and frustration we experience in life occurs when we encounter someone who does not abide to our set rules. We likely believe that our rules are right and that the other person should do it our way.

3. Failure: All humans try getting things right and if we fail to, we likely get ourselves angry especially when we have tried over and over again and it seems not to be working for us.

4. Argument: This may spring out of a discussion where at a point the other party gets a different view about the conversation, trying so hard to convince or to make your points right might head point to an argument which may at a certain level lead to anger, most especially when the exchange of abusive words are involved.

The numbered list above are the major causes of anger and frustration, Hunger is another funny cause of anger, ‘a hungry man is an angry man’, that’s a saying we all grew to hear.

People sometimes use alcohol and drugs to deal with their anger (either covering it up or using it to
feel less inhibited, which can lead them to discharge pent-up feelings)
Now, Ask yourself a question.

  • How frequent do you get angry?
  • How do you react to situations when you are angry?
  • Is anger a problem to you?
  • Why are you angry and frustrated?


We can only deal with our anger and frustration when we get answers to these questions, failure to get these answers right would lead to the expression of our innermost aggression. Like I wrote earlier, anger is a character possessed by all humans so you should not blame yourself for getting annoyed in a situation but rather make it a habit to control the actions you take while you are angry and frustrated.
The result of your actions when you are angry may deepen the state and level of your frustration for example, murder out of anger. The result of this might lead you behind bars for years, for years and in some cases to death.

Here are some key points that describe the relationship between anger and frustration:

• Anger brings with it a degree of discomfort or pain.
• If it is unresolved we feel frustrated.
• Releasing this tension often makes the person feel better (at least in the short term) but the underlying problems don’t go away.
• The more we resort to using or drinking to cope with anger and frustration, the less we are able to
address what is really going on.
This can then lead to a cycle where the person uses alcohol or drugs to manage their anger, repeatedly
experiencing negative feelings such as guilt, which in turn prompts alcohol or drugs use ... and so the cycle goes on and on.

Negative Effects of Prolonged Anger On Health.


You need to control and get rid of your anger and frustration because prolonged anger might cause a negative effect on your health. The constant flood of stress chemicals and associated metabolic changes that go with re-occurring untamed anger can eventually cause harm to many different systems of the body. Some of the effects of anger on your health may include; Headache, Digestion problems such as abdominal pains, insomnia (a sleep disorder that is characterized by difficulty falling and/or staying asleep.), increased anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, heart attack, stroke to mention but a few.
When physiologically aroused by the body’s stress response, emotions can escalate more quickly which can lead to a quick temper.
Prolonged anger and retained frustration can also affect some vital organs of your body including your brain, heart and even the physical parts of your body.
When your anger remains and is uncontrolled, it becomes chronic, a research conducted by researchers from The University of Sydney in Australia revealed that the increased risk of heart attack lasts for two hours following a scene of intense anger. Also, in 2014 a study by researchers from the Harvard School of Public Health in Boston M.A. suggested that the risk of facing a heart attack could be caused by anger outburst.
Some angry and frustrated persons tend to look uncomfortable with their selves therefore resulting in raising their voice at people around them, and if they try to ignore their anger instead of controlling it, they might end up getting themselves involved in thinking deeply therefore increasing the beat rate of the heart.
Anger when developed into intense anger, triggers your “fight or flight” response and when this happens, your stress hormones including adrenaline and cortisol increases leading to a speed in the heart beat rate and breathing rate, your blood vessels get tightened up and your blood pressure advances.
We notice that at times when we get angry and frustrated, every parts of our body gets to work, you experience this tight grip in your hands, a contraction in your stomach region, your face tightens up and sometimes we likely expel the thoughts of smiling. At this point your body parts are wearing and stressing out and this might lead to a breakdown in the functionality of some parts of the body and may probably cause an attack on you. For example, stroke, heart attack, high blood pressure, to mention but a few.

Effects of Anger and Frustration On Social Life:


Anger and frustration, these two emotional characters if not tamed or controlled can cause a gradual breakdown in your social life. Individuals who likely can not tame or grip down this disruptive, aggressive emotional character are likely to suffer not just the increase in health problems but also serious social problems as well.
Most times, angry persons find it difficult to recognize or utilize support when it is available and unfortunately, they do not realize that they are driving people away when they refuse genuine attempts of help offered by these persons. When you do not smile at home, your place of work or at any other social gathering because you are holding grip of your anger, then who’s going to mingle with that face?

Negative Effects of Anger On Your Environment.


Anger that is not handled in a healthy way can not only be uncomfortable but even damaging to one’s health and personal life, this can of course lead to a greater level of frustration and anger.
Anger triggers us into a fight response. It may have destructive results to you, your environment and those around you. Uncontrolled anger can possibly lead to arguments, physical fights, physical abuse, assault and probably self-harm.

What is Anger Control?

Anger control involves a range of skills that can help with recognizing the signs of anger and handling triggers in a positive way. It requires a person to identify anger at an early stage and to express their needs while remaining calm and in control. Managing anger does not involve holding it in or avoiding associated feelings. Coping with anger is an acquired skill — almost anyone can learn to control the feelings with time, patience, and dedication. When anger is negatively affecting a relationship, and especially if it is leading to violent or otherwise dangerous behavior, a person may benefit from consulting a mental health professional or attending an anger management class. However, there are initial, immediate techniques to try. Some people find that they can resolve these issues without seeking professional assistance.

Now relax while I introduce you to these practical ways on how to control anger and frustration.

1. Recognize when you are angry: Nothing can be done to your anger if you do not recognize that you are angry. Look out for your own clues to anger, this would help you prevent things from getting out of hand. Pay attention to what’s happening in your head and the rest of your body because this is a very important way of managing your anger.

2. In the midst of anger, just take a deep breath and think: Hey, a person is not abiding to your rules or not doing things according to how you proposed it to be. Why is the person acting in that manner? Probably the person has a reason of acting that way or better still does not. Most times, people just do things out of your rule with the aim of getting you annoyed and frustrated. Relax, Get comfortable in your chair. If you wish, close your eyes or just gaze at a particular spot. Take a few moments to settle yourself. Now focus on your body beginning with your feet, slowly scan upwards, check for tension as you move along. Notice any tightness in your legs, stomach, hands and arms, shoulders, neck and face? Try to let go of the tension you are feeling.  An angry outburst is preceded by the build-up phase. This is characterized by what is called ‘thought stacking’. After the initial trigger the person becomes increasingly angry as they dwell on one hostile thought after another. These thoughts come in quick succession, forming a chain of negative assumptions. Sometimes people will drink or use drugs as it helps them to thought stack. Think about what the reaction to the cause of your anger and frustration can cost you. Before reacting, be very sure your actions will not cause a negative scene, two wrongs can never make it right so, act matured, take it easy and approach what so ever issue it is in a mild manner.

3. Do Not React Immediately: In most anger cases, the results of immediate reactions could cause a fatal harm, discomfort and pain which could last for a long while. Some people who have trouble managing their anger and frustration are those who tend to believe that their actions and opinions are right while other’s are wrong. They also tend to put the responsibility for their problems on other people. If you possibly fall under this category of persons, do not react immediately to anger and frustration.

4. Choose to walk away: This might require a physical action likewise an emotional action. Many people find this to be a very challenging notion because maybe you are always a man or a woman of your words and you are always expecting others to act in accordance to your instruction or rules. Now what makes you think the party involved is not also a man or a woman of his or her words? So, who is accepting whose rule? You get stalked here, wasting your precious time. If you really want to tame your anger and frustration, choose to walk away, physically remove yourself from the situation. This will keep you and others out of harm’s way.

5. Express Your Anger in a Healthy Way: Anger in itself is not necessarily a problem. Try to pick out the cause of your anger and frustration, once you have identified the cause of your anger, consider coming up with some possible and positive strategies on how to revert the situation or you could probably do something physical like going for a stroll or for sports.


6. Take Control of Yourself: Self-control is an effort that is channeled to assisting you in achieving a goal. What is your goal here? Controlling your anger and frustration. Now failing to control yourself might lead to an outburst of your anger, you own yourself and you know the harm you could cause while reacting negatively to your anger. So, just take a chill pill and put yourself in order.

7. Do Not Hold Grudges: Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. Let go of resentment, as bearing a grudge can fuel anger, making it harder to control. But if you can forgive someone who got you annoyed, you might both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.

8. Use Humor to Reduce Tension: If you find it a bit difficult to control your anger and frustration, lightening up can help diffuse your anger tension. Avoid harsh, sarcastic humor, and try focusing on good-natured humor, which can help ease anger and resentment. Use humor to help you face what's making you angry and possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though it can hurt feelings and make things worse.

9. Stay Away from Alcohol and Drugs: Do not result to indulging in drink alcohol or taking hard drugs with the believe that it would help in relieving your anger and frustration because that would only excite your thinking faculty into deeper thoughts.

10. Monitor Your Anger and Frustration Rate: Keep a log of how often you get angry and frustrated you may be amazed at what it reveals at the end of the day. It can help you figure out possible solutions in respect to your situation, take note of every stage of it, from when it is igniting to when it becomes a full rage. For each instance, take a note down possibly about what resulted in your anger, how your body parts react to it. Take a glance at what you have written when your anger disappears and then create a possible strategy to divert from such anger causes.

11. Seek for Support: Lastly, Some persons may experience chronic issues with anger while some may find themselves in a particular situation that may trigger obsessed feelings. If you find yourself in this categories of persons, discussing your thoughts, situations, feelings with a therapist can be massively helpful. If you feel you need this additional support in managing your anger and frustration, do not be afraid to seek this support after all a problem shared is half solved. If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior. When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management.

Try always to control your anger and not ignore it because it can possibly alert you with information about what you want, what you do not want and what you ought to do next. In as much as reacting to anger in an unhealthy or negative way could cause damage to our personal lives, it can also be a useful tool when reacted to in a healthy manner. Giving a good attention to anger as a signal might help us escape from the possible results at the other end. Uncontrolled anger, can result in a greater form of problems than the initial cause of it.

Precious Effiang

Hi, My Name Is Precious Effiang, Head Publicist of MyGuideOut. You can contact me via WhatsApp +2349028299653

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